Friday, 21 December 2012


I refuse to say sorry anymore. lt is such a pathetic word and, quite frankly, we all make mistakes and I have made loads. The people who know me also know that I would never do anything to deliberately hurt or upset anyone.

The first thing I shall not apologise for is having Parkinson's Disease. It is nobody's fault and certainly not mine.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

BOXING - Self Portrait

BOXING by Tim Andrews

This is another self portrait which sums up how I'm feeling about this bloody disease at the moment. I just couldn't sleep last night because I was shaking, I don't know why. I came down and chatted to Jane who was still up but I felt very emotional. She made us both a Horlicks.I did a shoot on Sunday where I danced for the photographer and I think I overdid it because my hip and knee on my right side were agony about 24 hours later and now, after 4 days, it still hurts but not quite so much. So that hasn't helped.

Other than that, I feel like I am hurtling towards the end and, every so often, I stumble and roll forwards down the hill but, occasionally, I am able to stand up and, for a time, travel at my own pace but the illness is relentless and keeps pushing me along faster and faster and yet, I have all these things that I want to do. 
I know that this is not the world's best photograph and in no way am I anywhere near as good as the great photographers who have shot me but I do enjoy self portraiture - it is somehow very comforting. I am not afraid of self discovery as I want to find as many answers about myself as I can before I go. 

I am going to stop now and edit yet another film I have made - this is the latest

Sunday, 5 February 2012


I love my body at the's not that I think it looks good (according to whatever criteria one uses to define a good looking body)'s just that it is all I've got but this bloody disease is chipping away at it and I am hanging on to what physicality I still have.......and maybe that is why I do so much photography and filming in the nude...........well, partly why...........I do feel that clothes make statements which is fine but a body is just you, unadorned.......and it says so much I can't tell you what more it says for I am a bear of little brain...........

Pooh stopped suddenly, so suddenly that Piglet did not realise he had stopped until he got that cold  feeling on his left side that comes upon you when the warmth of a walking companion is no longer next to you. For a moment, Piglet thought he was having one of his TERIFYING DREAMS and his ears began to twitch but then the sound of Pooh's voice reassured him 
''My body'' said Pooh ''is all hairy''
''Sssscary?" stammered Piglet as his ears began to twitch again but even more than last time.
''I wonder why....'' mused Pooh. 
Piglet felt that his friend needed an answer as to why his body was SCARY but he was in no position to assist as he could not bring himself to look at the HORIFYINGLY AWFUL body that Pooh had suddenly slipped into without any warning.  
''But even it  is hairy......(and horifyingly awful thought Piglet).....I like it being hairy'' said Pooh and he carried on walking past Piglet who was lying on the ground with his eyes covered.
"Hhhairy?" stuttered Piglet. 
But Pooh wasn't listening. He was thinking up a song about bodies.
Pooh stomped on trying to think up new words as he made his way through the forest but then stopped suddenly as he felt that cold feeling that you get when the warmth of a walking companion is no longer next to you. He looked back to see Piglet whistling in an unconcerned way as he nonchalantly picked himself up from the floor with his cheeks looking a bit pink but otherwise the right colour everywhere else. 
"Yes, Pooh?"
"What rhymes with "DO"and "YOU"?" 
"You do" said Piglet.
"How clever you are!" said Pooh and Piglet felt his chest puff out as he ran to catch up his friend and even walked a bit ahead of him to show that he was brave as well as clever.
"I AM HAIRY AND MY NAME'S POOH!" sang the bear who had a little brain but luckily had a hairy body that he liked almost as much as he liked his clever friend.

But, for the time being......I take my pills and my body just about works normally.......and I dance and pose and I swim and I'm ok for a little while longer.......with my beautiful broken body........